But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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