I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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