Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize