we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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