I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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