Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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