please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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