i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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