I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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