Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize