we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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