My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize