bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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