If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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