I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I didn't notice because vodka
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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