the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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