I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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