I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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