Don't make out with my wife yet
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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