four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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