Welp...herpes.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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