At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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