So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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