While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
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Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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