hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Too much gin, very little bucket
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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