I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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