I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize