Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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