WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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