everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize