Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
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screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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