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He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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