peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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