Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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