she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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