whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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