Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize