apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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