a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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