If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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