I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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