We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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