just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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