You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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