I love black thongs
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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