Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize