I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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