The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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