xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize