If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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